Reading above the lines

(Not as funny as the Car Czar, but hey, I tried)

It’s a pretty cliché to hear a friend say, “Oh, the book was so much better than the movie.” So I stopped reading books. Movies are becoming dull, repetitive and senseless as it is, I don’t need books to ruin it for me now!

Recently I’m applying that same philosophy to newspapers. The news story is never anywhere near as exciting as the headline. It’s too… well detailed, true and boring.

But you don’t have to read the fine print in the newspapers to know this country is headed for hard times. If fact, in many cases the headlines say it better themselves.

The Deseret Morning News ran a Bloomberg story under the headline “Schwarzenegger to ax thousands”. Wow, that’s when you know the economy is bad.

I suppose it kind of makes sense. Pelosi originally tried to use millions of federal dollars for contraceptives to stimulate (among other things) the US economy. I mean if there are less people then the government (in theory) spends less.

Apparently Schwarzenegger not only liked the idea but jumped at the opportunity to grow a stache a play the real life part of Jack Torrace. “Heeeeeerreee’s Arnie!”

Well, it’s either that or Governor Schwarzenegger is axing down thousands of trees in hopes that the state will cut billions out of their annual energy forest fire cost.

But never fear tax payers! The Salt Lake Tribune says, “Matheson tackles Tax Reform at summit”. Well it’s about darn time. Politicians talked a lot about Mr. Reform for some time, and how much the Little Guy needs him. But Mr. Reform was ever so elusive.

But not anymore! Congressman Matheson apparently used his Mormon b-ball skills to tackle the nimble Tax Reform before he could get away. I hope he gave him a wedgie and put him in a headlock (like the woman who ran down a car burglar a few weeks back) that’s how we roll here in Dutch oven state.

And just how vicious is it getting out there? The tribune also reported “Marriage bureaus nationwide, in Utah shoot down same-sex couples”. That’s awful!

I thought California was the only state that was considering cutting back on population in order to cut spending. (Of course it were California it would have read “Marriage bureaus ax down same sex couples.”)

I fully expect this excessive use of violence to reignite the gun control debate. Families of the victims and perhaps victims who were just severely wounded will be marched up to testify that guns of the horrific atrocities done to them by the gun industry.

Of course the NRA will think of some catchy slogan like, “guns don’t people, marriage bureaus kill people,” to their defense.

Jason Bentley is just a punk college kid who is attending Brigham Young University.